As I was thinking about writing out this blog, a certain song was on, that pretty much summed up my feelings. 'Love Story' by Taylor Swift, but the particular part was where she got tired of waiting, wondering if Romeo would ever come around, and her faith in him is fading. I kinda feel like that. But my faith isn't really in just Romeo..more so everyone. I'm afraid to even try to make new friends, because of what's happened recently. But I don't like being alone. I want that friend I can call whenever I need to, and they know just what to say. A friend that will cry with me, laugh with me, and just be there for me. I give my all for every relationship I have, romantically or just friendship wise...and I always get burned. No matter what I do. I get burned. I hate not having someone I can trust or rely on. That when I'm having a hard day I can vent. Especially with raising MaKenzie on my own. At home.. I have no adult interaction. No adult conversation. I have no cable so can't watch TV, no computer so I can't occupy myself that way. It sucks. And that's when I start thinking about everything again and I go back into my funk. I went to bed last night at 9:00 pm, just to avoid thinking about everything.
In retrospect, I am also..happy, if you will, that this has happened to me. Because it only makes me stronger and more cautious. It will in turn make me a better person, and when I do eventually find the right one to be with..I'll be that much more appreciative of what I will have found. So I'm trying really hard to hold onto that thought.
I'm excited for tomorrow night, because I'm getting my third tattoo. I got my second one a week ago, and I'm going back tomorrow to get this new one. All mine are able to be hidden, but these last two...mean a lot to me. And keeps me chugging along. I wish it wasn't going to rain this weekend so MaKenzie and I could play at the park.
My birthday is in exactly one month. I'm tempted to hole myself in the house, and never come out. Lol. I don't care much for my birthday. We'll see what happens.
I'm still waiting to hear from the shipyard about my security clearance and my exact start date. I know it's sometime in August. I'm so excited, and so nervous at the same time. This is a real chance to make a better life for MaKenzie and me. I just don't like change that much so it's going to take time getting used to. I've been at the Ford dealership since 2001. Eek! I can't wait to start though. It's going to such a great thing for me and her.
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I love that Taylor Swift song. We saw her in concert a few weeks ago and her performance was so pretty - all these dancing couples came out in big old-fashioned ball gowns and danced in unison. It was lovely.
ReplyDeleteI understand what you mean about the friend thing. I've been burned, too. Now I'm just a lot more careful who I let into my life, and I try not to repeat patterns.
I would love to see Taylor in concert. LOL, you remember Aaron Carter?!?! That was so fun!! And as for the friend thing..I'm just pretty much keeping to myself. It sucks to be burned so much repeatedly, but I guess that's what we get for wearing our heart on our sleeve, huh?
ReplyDeleteHer concert was great. :) And Aaron Carter was so much fun! Remember we were like the biggest people there? Pending my brother's deployment doesn't get delayed, we have tickets to see the Backstreet Boys in DC on June 9.
ReplyDeleteAfter another big hurt earlier this year, I had a week-long bout of introspection and decided that I didn't want to change my 'heart on my sleeve' ways. It makes me who I am. But I just have to be careful about who I let close enough to that sleeve, if that makes sense (LOL).
Yes, well, you have all the people out there that cause you grief and then there's me! You can call me anytime day or night. With having a desk job, I will always have my cell phone on me and you can always text or call. I am always here for you. I just wish we could be closer. It would make things so much easier for both of us having that support. Regardless, you always have a friend here out in the big C-O, that loves you! :-)
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