My friends, my family and my daughter...are amazing. I'm realizing that while I've had a pretty crappy periods of time, I've not had a crappy life. I've had a very good life, just have had some really rough spots. Wax on, wax off. Lol. It'll all smooth out when it should. I've been in a really good mood for the past week or so, and I think it's because I'm finally letting go of everything. Brian has tried blowing up my phone, trying to get under my skin and get a reaction like usual..but for once...I'm not caving. I'm letting his words roll off my shoulder and not getting upset and going off. In turn that's ticking him off. Oh well. I'm through letting him control my life and my emotions. He thinks if he scares me enough, I won't find another relationship. I'll find a relationship when I'm good and ready, and when it's supposed to happen. :)
I hope this weekend will be a good one. I plan on going to the pool, if it's going to be nice. My grandfather got MaKenzie's tire swing put up, so she's excited about that. And we definitely have to hit up Doumar's this weekend. I'm craving some good ice cream. :D
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Monday, July 5, 2010
If you're happy and you know it...
Well, I've not written in a while. Things have been good, some bad, but that's life. I've only got a month left til the shipyard. Very nervous and very excited. When I see Nikki and Aaron at work now, it doesn't make me quite feel like I've been donkey kicked in the stomach anymore. So that's a bonus. Sure, it still sucks, but I think I'm really just finally being happy with myself and life. Also everything that I have.
Last Thursday I got to go to lunch with Abby, who(m?) I haven't seen since last year. It was good to sit down and relax, have a good lunch and catch up. She's a wonderful person to talk to, and really compassionate. I was off work Friday so Mak and I went to my aunt's pool, hung out and she then went to grandma's while I went to see Eclipse that night with Brooke, and then we met up with Edward and Derek after the movie for bowling. It was hilarious. I haven't laughed that much in forever, but the end of the night kinda threw me off. See, I know my buddy Edward has always liked me..but he's just not my type, I see him as a brother and that's it. Plus he is married. I enjoy hanging out with him, he's a great friend, but that's it. And he was drunk after bowling, texting me asking if I was going to come over, and watch a movie, etc etc. Just makes me really uncomfortable because I don't want to ruin the friendship but I don't like comments like that. I don't really know what to do. Ugh.
But...on a happier note, I met this guy, Mark. I did meet him from Plenty of Fish (which I have deleted my account by now) but we talked briefly before but it never really seemed to go anywhere. Anyway, I deleted my account because I was tired of trying to find someone and only finding weirdo people. So I was content with just being happy alone. Then Mark texted me again asking how I was, etc. We ended up talking a bit, and he wanted to meet. We had lunch Saturday and went for coffee afterwards. Well, he had coffee, I have a chocolate drink lol. But it went really well. He had me laughing the whole time. He was easy to get along with, quick to make you laugh. Plus he still believes in chivalry, opened all my doors, etc. He has a 17 month old son that he has custody of, so he understands the whole having a kid thing. I don't know. I'm really liking talking to him. We had plans to see the fireworks last night, but it didn't work out. But we're hanging out again sometime this week. It'd be sweet if it worked out, because he is such a sweet guy and I do like him thus far, but I'm determind not to get my hopes up. Saturday was his birthday so he went out later that night, but he kept in contact with me the whole time. I joked and said "meeting lots of cute girls for your birthday?" and he wrote back and said "nope you're still on my mind so not interested in them." It made me smile like a school girl. Lol. Oiy.
Today at work has been...blah. We're kinda sorta busy, and running on a very skeleton crew. I'm already counting down until I get off. Seven more hours...and counting....
Last Thursday I got to go to lunch with Abby, who(m?) I haven't seen since last year. It was good to sit down and relax, have a good lunch and catch up. She's a wonderful person to talk to, and really compassionate. I was off work Friday so Mak and I went to my aunt's pool, hung out and she then went to grandma's while I went to see Eclipse that night with Brooke, and then we met up with Edward and Derek after the movie for bowling. It was hilarious. I haven't laughed that much in forever, but the end of the night kinda threw me off. See, I know my buddy Edward has always liked me..but he's just not my type, I see him as a brother and that's it. Plus he is married. I enjoy hanging out with him, he's a great friend, but that's it. And he was drunk after bowling, texting me asking if I was going to come over, and watch a movie, etc etc. Just makes me really uncomfortable because I don't want to ruin the friendship but I don't like comments like that. I don't really know what to do. Ugh.
But...on a happier note, I met this guy, Mark. I did meet him from Plenty of Fish (which I have deleted my account by now) but we talked briefly before but it never really seemed to go anywhere. Anyway, I deleted my account because I was tired of trying to find someone and only finding weirdo people. So I was content with just being happy alone. Then Mark texted me again asking how I was, etc. We ended up talking a bit, and he wanted to meet. We had lunch Saturday and went for coffee afterwards. Well, he had coffee, I have a chocolate drink lol. But it went really well. He had me laughing the whole time. He was easy to get along with, quick to make you laugh. Plus he still believes in chivalry, opened all my doors, etc. He has a 17 month old son that he has custody of, so he understands the whole having a kid thing. I don't know. I'm really liking talking to him. We had plans to see the fireworks last night, but it didn't work out. But we're hanging out again sometime this week. It'd be sweet if it worked out, because he is such a sweet guy and I do like him thus far, but I'm determind not to get my hopes up. Saturday was his birthday so he went out later that night, but he kept in contact with me the whole time. I joked and said "meeting lots of cute girls for your birthday?" and he wrote back and said "nope you're still on my mind so not interested in them." It made me smile like a school girl. Lol. Oiy.
Today at work has been...blah. We're kinda sorta busy, and running on a very skeleton crew. I'm already counting down until I get off. Seven more hours...and counting....
Friday, June 18, 2010
Oh, boo..
I'm already dreading this weekend now. I'm looking forward to Mak's gymnastics show tomorrow, and my brother and my cousin's graduation party. And that's it. Dave Weddle and I were supposed to be doing a joint party at his house tomorrow, with a bunch of people, hanging out, going muddin, etc. Welp..he invited Aaron. And he's going. So I'm not. I don't want to go celebrate my birthday and be miserable the whole night because Aaron will be there with Nikki. So I reckon, once again, that'll I'll be doing nothing for my birthday. So yeah. I'm kinda bummed about that.
Brian flipped out on me again. So that's it. I'm done fighting with him to be in his daughter's life. That was the last straw. I told him if he can't be a constant in MaKenzie's life, then don't be there at all. He's been saying he's going to come see her and talk to her every day. He came and saw her ONCE and maybe talked to her on the phone about 4 or 5 times. So I'm done. It's not fair to Mak for her to think she's done something wrong and her daddy doesn't want to see her anymore. It breaks my heart that he doesn't want to be in her life, but I'm more worried about her hearting breaking.
BUT!! I got my official notice from the shipyard!! I start August 16th. The first year I have school, but that's ok with me. I'm looking to put Mak in school in the fall as well.
Regardless....I'm really ready for a break.
Brian flipped out on me again. So that's it. I'm done fighting with him to be in his daughter's life. That was the last straw. I told him if he can't be a constant in MaKenzie's life, then don't be there at all. He's been saying he's going to come see her and talk to her every day. He came and saw her ONCE and maybe talked to her on the phone about 4 or 5 times. So I'm done. It's not fair to Mak for her to think she's done something wrong and her daddy doesn't want to see her anymore. It breaks my heart that he doesn't want to be in her life, but I'm more worried about her hearting breaking.
BUT!! I got my official notice from the shipyard!! I start August 16th. The first year I have school, but that's ok with me. I'm looking to put Mak in school in the fall as well.
Regardless....I'm really ready for a break.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
It's a big day!
Today my little brother graduates high school!! I can't believe he is done with high school already. It feels like he justed started high school this year. I'm excited to go see him walk across that stage.
I took Thursday and Friday off this week because I needed a break. Thursday I'm going to go have lunch with my sister and Friday I'm taking Mak to Busch Gardens for the first time. I haven't been there in over 6 years. So some friends and I are going, and taking the kids. Apparently there is a huge Sesame Street place now, so I know Mak will have fun. I bought our season tickets yesterday, and just did the pay plan, so I only pay 16 dollars a month, which isn't bad at all. So I'm excited to take her there this week.
On the 19th, Mak has her gymnastics show they put on at the end of the semester. She did fairly well in the last one, but she's been in gymnastics a lot longer and I can't wait to see her in the show this year. :)
I took Thursday and Friday off this week because I needed a break. Thursday I'm going to go have lunch with my sister and Friday I'm taking Mak to Busch Gardens for the first time. I haven't been there in over 6 years. So some friends and I are going, and taking the kids. Apparently there is a huge Sesame Street place now, so I know Mak will have fun. I bought our season tickets yesterday, and just did the pay plan, so I only pay 16 dollars a month, which isn't bad at all. So I'm excited to take her there this week.
On the 19th, Mak has her gymnastics show they put on at the end of the semester. She did fairly well in the last one, but she's been in gymnastics a lot longer and I can't wait to see her in the show this year. :)
Friday, June 4, 2010
Life
No matter how bad things are, just know someone, somewhere...is going through a rougher time than you.
Time to keep my head up and be happy. I deserve it. And finally letting myself believe it.
Love my family, my friends. Especially Amanda, Abby, Cassie, Becky & Dana, Edward.. Love you guys, for your own individual thing you bring into my life.
Time to keep my head up and be happy. I deserve it. And finally letting myself believe it.
Love my family, my friends. Especially Amanda, Abby, Cassie, Becky & Dana, Edward.. Love you guys, for your own individual thing you bring into my life.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
June...really?
I can't believe it's June already!! This year is really flying by. We had a good Memorial Day weekend. My bestest Cassie's birthday was the 30th, so I hope she had a WONDERFUL day! Love her bunches. Hung out over Becky's house saturday night, went to Amanda and Ryan's last night. I've been hanging out with Becky a little more and more. Her and I used to be friends way back in middle school and we drifted ways. Her mom is the one who took my boxer Nemo for me. But we've been hanging out more, which is nice. Her whole family is more... "country bumpkin" I guess you would call it. I guess people tend to look down on them cause people assume they are "white trash" and they aren't. They are really good people. But when everyone comes over to the house there is like 8 kids running around lol. Family is really important to them, so they get together every weekend. Even though I haven't really been around these people in years, they just accept Mak and I as if we've been there all along. They have a good time, and don't have to spend a bunch of money to go out and do it. So it's nice.
Brian (Mak's father) came over Sunday and spent some time with her, so that was nice. She was so excited to see him. I'm glad he came over and played with her. They watched Ice Age together. It makes me happy to see MaKenzie happy, and I'd rather have a amicable relationship with Brian anyway, instead of always giving each other attitudes.
As for Rhyan, she's pretty ticked off at me that I won't give her the time of day anymore. She expects me to just forget everything that she's done to me and go back to being best friends with her. And I always have before. But maybe I'm growing up a little. I'm finally cutting her out of my life. And it feels good.
I still miss Aaron, and I know in my heart I still love him, but instead of keeping him up on a pedestal, I've been realizing his faults and how he's wronged me too, instead of making excuses for him. It still hurts, but looking at the whole picture is making moving on a lot easier. It's hard seeing him and his new girlfriend at work, but I just hold my head up and keep on smiling. I have far too many things in my life that are good and wonderful, as opposed to wishing for what might have been. We had a good relationship up until the end, so I'll remember the good times and smile, as opposed to being resentful and cry. We had a lot of great memories and I'll cherish them. Everything happens for a reason, and the lesson will show it's face in due time.
Brian (Mak's father) came over Sunday and spent some time with her, so that was nice. She was so excited to see him. I'm glad he came over and played with her. They watched Ice Age together. It makes me happy to see MaKenzie happy, and I'd rather have a amicable relationship with Brian anyway, instead of always giving each other attitudes.
As for Rhyan, she's pretty ticked off at me that I won't give her the time of day anymore. She expects me to just forget everything that she's done to me and go back to being best friends with her. And I always have before. But maybe I'm growing up a little. I'm finally cutting her out of my life. And it feels good.
I still miss Aaron, and I know in my heart I still love him, but instead of keeping him up on a pedestal, I've been realizing his faults and how he's wronged me too, instead of making excuses for him. It still hurts, but looking at the whole picture is making moving on a lot easier. It's hard seeing him and his new girlfriend at work, but I just hold my head up and keep on smiling. I have far too many things in my life that are good and wonderful, as opposed to wishing for what might have been. We had a good relationship up until the end, so I'll remember the good times and smile, as opposed to being resentful and cry. We had a lot of great memories and I'll cherish them. Everything happens for a reason, and the lesson will show it's face in due time.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
